i'll be getting on a plane that will take me through amsterdam, and onto seattle. that's right, i'm coming home...today! crazy. nuts. weird. i haven't really been very excited as of yet - not because i don't want to see people or do things i love at home, but because i feel like i could stay here longer. But alas, that is not meant to happen at the moment and i think it's good to go home while i still have a little bit of money. Regroup, hang out, work, save, get some direction, and then plan my next adventure! I'm sad to be leaving so much that i love and i'm not very excited for a lot of what constitutes life in America...but there are some things about home that are coming within grasp that i am pretty stoked about. here are a few:
-dad and brother
-amber and her daughter
-dinner with miki
-TORTILLA CHIPS
-shrimp salad (the way my dad makes it, mmm...)
-laying on the grass
-hiking somewhere that isn't in dodoma
-seattle, portland, the city
-wearing all the pantalones and shorts my little heart desires
-a bed all to MYSELF! :)
ahhh the more i think about those things, the more i am getting excited to get home! i think it's gonna be pretty great. i hope. i'm plenty nervous for all the cultural, emotional, and spiritual side effects that i'll be dealing with - but god is good and i trust that he'll get me through just fine.
so yes, here i come america! whoohooo!!!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
a moment like this (think kelly clarkson...)
Yesterday morning I took Josh’s dog, Buddy, out for a walk. He’s a huge dog; half German shepherd and half Rhodesian ridgeback. He has a thunderous bark, but is totally a scaredy-cat. I’ve been house sitting for Josh, while he’s been in Arusha, for the past 5 days. It’s been great having more space, making my own food, watching House DVD’s, and hanging out with his dog and cat. While I totally miss the kids in my host family and am excited to go back there today, I really enjoy the area of Dodoma that Josh’s house is in. It’s a little quieter than Area C (where I live) and the houses are more spread out. Buddy and I walked up a road that leaves town, towards a hill covered in cell phone towers. We cut over a bit and ended up passing a woman’s house in the Home Based Care program at the church. Her name is Tatu Ally and I’ve been to her house a few times. Her story is in a previous post if you wish to read. She wasn’t home, but her youngest daughter was playing out front. She recognized me and was excited to see me.
None of this is particularly significant, except what happened after. Nothing happened, actually. It was just a moment. I had a moment. I’m not totally sure how to describe it, but it was one of those times where you just feel totally happy. Like, where you are so glad to be in exactly that place, at exactly that time, doing exactly what you are doing. For me, it was wearing my comfy linen pants and hoodie. It was taking a morning walk with a sweet, friendly dog. It was the coffee cup in hand, the early sun shining on me, the vibrant purple flowers nearby, the adorable toddler waving and smiling at me in the distance. I just felt good; at peace. It is moments like these that make me so sad to be leaving Tanzania in less than two weeks. I don’t feel ready to go. I don’t want to. But I can’t honestly justify staying longer…to do what? It would be totally selfish, I wouldn’t be staying to do anything or contribute in any sort of way besides the fact of just being here, which is what I want to do.
That moment yesterday morning, along with others, have begun to make me realize just how much I’ve grown to love this country, these people, this land. It’s not without its challenges…that’s for damn sure. But I think the challenges, the struggles, and the difficulties are part of what makes it so worth it to be here. All this has really had me thinking about working overseas in the future. I think it’s something I really want to do. I think, first, I need to pick a field, get educated, experienced, and skilled in it. And then take the show on the road with something of value to offer. The big question is whether or not psychology/counselling/social work will allow me to do that. I don’t know how all that stuff works cross-culturally or across language barriers. That’s something I need to really consider, and if that’s not a line of work that can be useful abroad, then a change in direction may be in order. I feel like that’s a little too much to be thinking of at the moment, but it’ll definitely be on my mind when I get home. Which is soon. Crazy! Just in closing, I hope those of you who are reading this know that I, of course, will be ecstatic and overjoyed to see you and hug you and be near you again. While I may not want to leave this place yet, I will be very happy to be with good friends again, sharing life with you.
None of this is particularly significant, except what happened after. Nothing happened, actually. It was just a moment. I had a moment. I’m not totally sure how to describe it, but it was one of those times where you just feel totally happy. Like, where you are so glad to be in exactly that place, at exactly that time, doing exactly what you are doing. For me, it was wearing my comfy linen pants and hoodie. It was taking a morning walk with a sweet, friendly dog. It was the coffee cup in hand, the early sun shining on me, the vibrant purple flowers nearby, the adorable toddler waving and smiling at me in the distance. I just felt good; at peace. It is moments like these that make me so sad to be leaving Tanzania in less than two weeks. I don’t feel ready to go. I don’t want to. But I can’t honestly justify staying longer…to do what? It would be totally selfish, I wouldn’t be staying to do anything or contribute in any sort of way besides the fact of just being here, which is what I want to do.
That moment yesterday morning, along with others, have begun to make me realize just how much I’ve grown to love this country, these people, this land. It’s not without its challenges…that’s for damn sure. But I think the challenges, the struggles, and the difficulties are part of what makes it so worth it to be here. All this has really had me thinking about working overseas in the future. I think it’s something I really want to do. I think, first, I need to pick a field, get educated, experienced, and skilled in it. And then take the show on the road with something of value to offer. The big question is whether or not psychology/counselling/social work will allow me to do that. I don’t know how all that stuff works cross-culturally or across language barriers. That’s something I need to really consider, and if that’s not a line of work that can be useful abroad, then a change in direction may be in order. I feel like that’s a little too much to be thinking of at the moment, but it’ll definitely be on my mind when I get home. Which is soon. Crazy! Just in closing, I hope those of you who are reading this know that I, of course, will be ecstatic and overjoyed to see you and hug you and be near you again. While I may not want to leave this place yet, I will be very happy to be with good friends again, sharing life with you.
Friday, July 17, 2009
YES!!!
CRDB finally got their act together and transfered the money i was waiting for. only took 5 weeks lol...but i'm not complaining, just glad not to be in debt! I'm super thankful to those of you who prayed the money would make it to my account, and also to those who let me borrow money in the promises i would write them a check when i get back home. thanks everyone! i'm back in business...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
so many pictures, not enough internet...
mama, me, and baby Junior
chips! made by Rasta, mmmm..
safari crew + pilot and plane
safari shirt(courtesy bridg's grandma), on safari!!
home visiting
just a few...this takes foreverrr :/
outside church
picture taken by: kibiro
the nursery school kids...i can't get enough of them!!
at the cape point
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
safari
was sweet!!! Didn't end up going to the Serengeti because we wanted to catch the wildebeest migration and we just missed it by a couple weeks. bummer, but it worked out pretty great still. Me, Brandon, Emily, Sam, and an old german lady decided to go to Ruwaha (a pretty big park south of Dodoma) for the day. We chartered a MAF (missionary aviation fellowship) flight out to the park which was pretty awesome. Fun to ride in a tiny little plane from your backyard, right into the game park...and landing on a dirt air strip with giraffes next to it was also cool. Spent the day riding around a huge open air cruiser searching for animals. I was pretty horrible at spotting them lol. Got to see lots of animals: hippo, giraffe, zebra, lion, elephant, warthog, gazelle, baboon, crocodile, and lots of cool birds. Didn't get to see any cheetah, leopard, or hyena's which was a bummer, but we only had one day so that's okay. We ate lunch in the lodge in the park which was suuuper nice. Got to sip coffee and eat desert overlooking a river with bathing elephants and hippo's. Pretty good day!
Friday, July 10, 2009
just wanted to share...
Going on home visits has provided me with some of my favorite experiences in Tanzania so far. It’s really at the heart of why I came here. To be able to see what life is really like for most people around the world. Coming from a country with such wealth and where extreme poverty is so far removed from our everyday lives, I felt the desire for truth, understanding, and reality. In my quest to understand and experience these things, I have come to Tanzania. To meet these people, to see where they live, where they sleep, what they eat, what their struggles are, etc. It has truly been an honor to be able to sit in their homes, play with their kids, sing their songs, and drink their tea. The people we visit are clients in the Home Based Care (HBC) program at the church or children in the Lahash sponsorship program. The HBC clients are typically women who are HIV+ and many of the sponsorship kids are HIV+ as well.
Here are some of their stories…*
Lucy
I’ve been to visit Lucy two times. She was actually the first home visit I went on. She lives in a tiny, 2 roomed, 10x15 ft house made of clay bricks with sheets of corrugated metal for a roof. Her rent is just under $3 a month. She has a daughter, named Shida (in the Lahash program) who (I would guess) is 11 years old. Lucy is HIV+ and recently became very sick with Tuberculosis. The HBC program contacted her mother and advised her to come and take care of Lucy and Shida until she recovered. One of the big struggles many people face is providing the seriously ill with proper nutrition so their bodies can recover from illnesses. In particular, Lucy struggled because the TB medicine needed to be coupled with milk and adequate nutrition, which she could not provide for herself. The HBC program was able to provide her with milk, but only for a short time. Lucy, Shida, and Bibi (grandmother) were sleeping on empty rice bags on the floor, because they could not afford a mattress. There was no father around, and I’m not sure as to what source of income Lucy has, if any. Since that first visit, she has recovered from TB, her mother has gone back home because of Lucy’s revived health, and I bought a mattress for them so they don’t have to sleep on the floor anymore. I hope to visit Lucy and Shida again soon to see how they are doing.
Rose
I went to visit Rose two times. Upon entering her home, it is obvious that she has at least a little bit of money. You can tell because her home has a large sitting room, there is furniture for guests, a bed in the bedroom, and she has electricity (when it works). I learned that she used to be a “salonist”, owning her own shop where she braided hair. Upon meeting Rose, I was instantly fighting back tears. Her body was completely emaciated…literally skin and bones. I realized that I’ve never actually seen someone in real life like that. So skinny, I mean. The closest thing has been tv shows, documentaries, or textbooks about girls who struggle with eating disorders. It was a struggle for her to prop herself up so she just laid on the bed during the visit. Her voice was weak and frail, barely audible. Rose’s condition was due to advanced cervical cancer (which is apparently very common in Tz). I’m not sure exactly how many children she has, at least a few, one of which is sponsored by Compassion Int’l. I know she has a teenage daughter who dropped out of school after becoming pregnant. As in Lucy’s case, Rose’s mother has taken on the burden of caring for her and the children. And again, there is no father or husband around to help out. I went back to visit Rose a week later with Dr. Christopher (from the U.S.). The HBC providers didn’t think she’d live to see the doctor. But she did. I was confused during the visit when the Bibi was praising the Lord for Rose’s recovery. But Dr. Chris informed me that when Tanzanians say this, they don’t mean a physical recovery. Rose’s situation is obviously dire and irreversible (even after receiving 2 or 3 cancer treatments from a center in Dar), but what they mean is that she has recovered hope. Not hope that she will get better, but hope knowing that there are people who care enough to visit, who are concerned for her and her family, and who are praying for her…she is not alone. Rose died shortly after that visit. I am glad to have met her and to have been witness to her story.
Tatu Ally
Tatu Ally is a lovely woman. I feel an uncommon surge of joy in my heart when I see her…I think it’s in her smile. She lives in a clay brick house, similar to Lucy’s, but in a less populated area. She has three children, two toddlers and a teenager, all girls. She is HIV+ and very thin. She has a husband, but he is not around much, which is a good thing because he is abusive. He is employed as a guard but doesn’t use any of the money to support his wife or children. Tatu has a small shamba (farm) where she grows and sells okra. The two oldest children are in sponsorship programs, the middle one of which is also HIV+. During the visit, Elizabeth Omari popped in to say hello. She is another woman in the program, who has a daughter the same age as Tatu’s middle child and is also in the Lahash sponsorship program. The two women are neighbors and became friends after realizing that they both were walking to the Mennonite church at the same times, for the same events. It was so encouraging to listen to them talk about the community and fellowship they’ve found within each other and with the other HBC clients. It really is a support system for people who are so marginalized and stigmatized. It was also a blessing to hear them speak about how their lives are different since being involved in the program. The hope they’ve found that someone would take notice of them, stand by them in their suffering, try to ease their pain, and will look after their children should they die. I’ve only been back to Tatu Ally’s once – to deliver some chickens lol, but I see her and her daughters at the center often. I hope to visit her home again before I leave.
Kristina
Kristina is not a client in the HBC program as of yet. While we were out home visiting a few clients the other day, one of them directed us to Kristina’s house, knowing that she needed some help and maybe we could do something for her. Upon meeting Kristina, we realized she had lost the ability to speak. We sat down in her home with her mother and two children and inquired about her situation. What we learned was very sad and discouraging. Kristina’s mother has been “taking care” of her and the children since she’s been sick. She had previously been on ARV therapy, but the Bibi has failed to go back to the hospital to receive more ARV medication in the last year and a half.
Anti-retro viral medication is free to all HIV+ patients in Tanzania. It can have extremely uncomfortable and displeasing side effects, but it saves lives. Obviously it does not cure AIDS, but it makes people able to function on a somewhat normal level for a time, before the disease progresses too much. Maintaining ARV therapy is critical for HIV+ patients, especially if they have children (and they always do) so that they are able to provide for their children until they are old enough to provide for themselves. Kristina hasn’t been to a doctor since Feb. 2008…and she is supposed to have a check up every month or two. The medication she does have in the home is expired, and the Bibi hasn’t renewed her ARV medication in the last year. It is in this absence of treatment that Kristina has lost the ability to speak. The Bibi has been “hiding” Kristina in a sense, locking her up when she leaves the home and saying she’s not there when people come calling for her. We obviously were shocked and disappointed in the Bibi and questioned why she hasn’t been getting the proper care for her daughter. Her response was that, “Kristina is already dead”. This was a huge insight into the stigma and ignorance that the HBC program is fighting.
Often, people with HIV are considered less than human and are treated as a plague. Ignorance is so rampant amongst the average Tanzanian that people do not understand why people get AIDS nor do they realize that with proper care, they can live full lives. Grace and Healing Minsitry struggle to get this message across to their clients, but it is a difficult fight. One child in the Lahash sponsorship program lives with her aunt because her parents are dead. The aunt forces her to sleep on the floor in the living room while the rest sleep in the bed, because she is HIV+. Another family in the HBC program had their house burnt down by their neighbors because they found out they were HIV+. Others can’t make money through small businesses because when people find out they’re HIV+, they stop buying from them. How discouraging...but the ministry at the church is truly breaking barriers and it is encouraging to see the work they do. Kristina and her mother came to the center today for the fellowship group, which is when all the clients come together to eat, worship, and learn about HIV/AIDS. The topic was "Breaking the Silence"....how appropriate that Kristina's mother was there to hear it. Hope the message got through.
*my disclaimer is that often things get lost in translation so I really only get bits and pieces of stories, and often what I glean is not 100% accurate… just FYI
Here are some of their stories…*
Lucy
I’ve been to visit Lucy two times. She was actually the first home visit I went on. She lives in a tiny, 2 roomed, 10x15 ft house made of clay bricks with sheets of corrugated metal for a roof. Her rent is just under $3 a month. She has a daughter, named Shida (in the Lahash program) who (I would guess) is 11 years old. Lucy is HIV+ and recently became very sick with Tuberculosis. The HBC program contacted her mother and advised her to come and take care of Lucy and Shida until she recovered. One of the big struggles many people face is providing the seriously ill with proper nutrition so their bodies can recover from illnesses. In particular, Lucy struggled because the TB medicine needed to be coupled with milk and adequate nutrition, which she could not provide for herself. The HBC program was able to provide her with milk, but only for a short time. Lucy, Shida, and Bibi (grandmother) were sleeping on empty rice bags on the floor, because they could not afford a mattress. There was no father around, and I’m not sure as to what source of income Lucy has, if any. Since that first visit, she has recovered from TB, her mother has gone back home because of Lucy’s revived health, and I bought a mattress for them so they don’t have to sleep on the floor anymore. I hope to visit Lucy and Shida again soon to see how they are doing.
Rose
I went to visit Rose two times. Upon entering her home, it is obvious that she has at least a little bit of money. You can tell because her home has a large sitting room, there is furniture for guests, a bed in the bedroom, and she has electricity (when it works). I learned that she used to be a “salonist”, owning her own shop where she braided hair. Upon meeting Rose, I was instantly fighting back tears. Her body was completely emaciated…literally skin and bones. I realized that I’ve never actually seen someone in real life like that. So skinny, I mean. The closest thing has been tv shows, documentaries, or textbooks about girls who struggle with eating disorders. It was a struggle for her to prop herself up so she just laid on the bed during the visit. Her voice was weak and frail, barely audible. Rose’s condition was due to advanced cervical cancer (which is apparently very common in Tz). I’m not sure exactly how many children she has, at least a few, one of which is sponsored by Compassion Int’l. I know she has a teenage daughter who dropped out of school after becoming pregnant. As in Lucy’s case, Rose’s mother has taken on the burden of caring for her and the children. And again, there is no father or husband around to help out. I went back to visit Rose a week later with Dr. Christopher (from the U.S.). The HBC providers didn’t think she’d live to see the doctor. But she did. I was confused during the visit when the Bibi was praising the Lord for Rose’s recovery. But Dr. Chris informed me that when Tanzanians say this, they don’t mean a physical recovery. Rose’s situation is obviously dire and irreversible (even after receiving 2 or 3 cancer treatments from a center in Dar), but what they mean is that she has recovered hope. Not hope that she will get better, but hope knowing that there are people who care enough to visit, who are concerned for her and her family, and who are praying for her…she is not alone. Rose died shortly after that visit. I am glad to have met her and to have been witness to her story.
Tatu Ally
Tatu Ally is a lovely woman. I feel an uncommon surge of joy in my heart when I see her…I think it’s in her smile. She lives in a clay brick house, similar to Lucy’s, but in a less populated area. She has three children, two toddlers and a teenager, all girls. She is HIV+ and very thin. She has a husband, but he is not around much, which is a good thing because he is abusive. He is employed as a guard but doesn’t use any of the money to support his wife or children. Tatu has a small shamba (farm) where she grows and sells okra. The two oldest children are in sponsorship programs, the middle one of which is also HIV+. During the visit, Elizabeth Omari popped in to say hello. She is another woman in the program, who has a daughter the same age as Tatu’s middle child and is also in the Lahash sponsorship program. The two women are neighbors and became friends after realizing that they both were walking to the Mennonite church at the same times, for the same events. It was so encouraging to listen to them talk about the community and fellowship they’ve found within each other and with the other HBC clients. It really is a support system for people who are so marginalized and stigmatized. It was also a blessing to hear them speak about how their lives are different since being involved in the program. The hope they’ve found that someone would take notice of them, stand by them in their suffering, try to ease their pain, and will look after their children should they die. I’ve only been back to Tatu Ally’s once – to deliver some chickens lol, but I see her and her daughters at the center often. I hope to visit her home again before I leave.
Kristina
Kristina is not a client in the HBC program as of yet. While we were out home visiting a few clients the other day, one of them directed us to Kristina’s house, knowing that she needed some help and maybe we could do something for her. Upon meeting Kristina, we realized she had lost the ability to speak. We sat down in her home with her mother and two children and inquired about her situation. What we learned was very sad and discouraging. Kristina’s mother has been “taking care” of her and the children since she’s been sick. She had previously been on ARV therapy, but the Bibi has failed to go back to the hospital to receive more ARV medication in the last year and a half.
Anti-retro viral medication is free to all HIV+ patients in Tanzania. It can have extremely uncomfortable and displeasing side effects, but it saves lives. Obviously it does not cure AIDS, but it makes people able to function on a somewhat normal level for a time, before the disease progresses too much. Maintaining ARV therapy is critical for HIV+ patients, especially if they have children (and they always do) so that they are able to provide for their children until they are old enough to provide for themselves. Kristina hasn’t been to a doctor since Feb. 2008…and she is supposed to have a check up every month or two. The medication she does have in the home is expired, and the Bibi hasn’t renewed her ARV medication in the last year. It is in this absence of treatment that Kristina has lost the ability to speak. The Bibi has been “hiding” Kristina in a sense, locking her up when she leaves the home and saying she’s not there when people come calling for her. We obviously were shocked and disappointed in the Bibi and questioned why she hasn’t been getting the proper care for her daughter. Her response was that, “Kristina is already dead”. This was a huge insight into the stigma and ignorance that the HBC program is fighting.
Often, people with HIV are considered less than human and are treated as a plague. Ignorance is so rampant amongst the average Tanzanian that people do not understand why people get AIDS nor do they realize that with proper care, they can live full lives. Grace and Healing Minsitry struggle to get this message across to their clients, but it is a difficult fight. One child in the Lahash sponsorship program lives with her aunt because her parents are dead. The aunt forces her to sleep on the floor in the living room while the rest sleep in the bed, because she is HIV+. Another family in the HBC program had their house burnt down by their neighbors because they found out they were HIV+. Others can’t make money through small businesses because when people find out they’re HIV+, they stop buying from them. How discouraging...but the ministry at the church is truly breaking barriers and it is encouraging to see the work they do. Kristina and her mother came to the center today for the fellowship group, which is when all the clients come together to eat, worship, and learn about HIV/AIDS. The topic was "Breaking the Silence"....how appropriate that Kristina's mother was there to hear it. Hope the message got through.
*my disclaimer is that often things get lost in translation so I really only get bits and pieces of stories, and often what I glean is not 100% accurate… just FYI
Sunday, June 28, 2009
praise the lord
for Lahash International.
they're amazing and i'm so thankful to be here through them. Just got an email from Dan Holcomb, the head dude, and i was holding back tears while reading. It's pretty hard to be able to accurately express my experiences here, and what gets posted on my blog is a pretty slanted view. mostly, it's the tough stuff and none of the awesome stuff. but Dan and his crew understand pretty well what it's like and i'm so grateful to them. Here is my reply e-mail to Dan which will hopefully give you a better insight as to what life has been like for me the last couple months...
Dan,
thank you so much for the email. i'm very grateful that you would take so much time out of your busy life to just reflect about my experiences here, your experiences, and to give advice/encouragement. it means a lot to me. thank you.
i'm really glad that you are able to identify with some of my experience in tanzania so far. the ups and downs, the excitement and frustrations, the simplicity and confusion, the joy and heartbreaks. all of it.
i've actually been feeling a lot better the last couple weeks. i'm not really sure what happened, but i feel like one day maybe 2 weeks ago, something clicked. i just started to realize how much i've grown to love tanzania, the people there, the african way of life, despite all it's differences and confusion it brings to my life. i feel like the first month was just a lot of taking in everything. drinking in all the new sights and sounds, etc. the second month was just tough. that's when all the thinking/processing started and when i really started to feel the tensions of me being so western, yet living in a place so african. trying to figure out how to deal with that and balance things has been so difficult - and i'm not sure i've managed the most gracefully. i'm so thankful for my host family and all the people for just allowing me to go through that process. to retreat into my room and be anti-social, to have lunches with other wazungu to get some familiar community. to spend time emailing friends and family to try and keep important people in my life up to speed on my experience. But then, in the midst of all this, they still allow me to be a part of them. to engage in the services, to play with their kids, to pray with them. it's really quite amazing and i'm sad that it's taken me so long to be able to see that. i'm so glad though, that this last month can be one that is more balanced. that i will, of course, still struggle with much of the same stuff from the previous month, but i will be able to balance that with my love for and respect of the people in tanzania and their way of life. it's like you said, love is the most important. i do feel like much of my reaction to things going on and the differences between me and the tanzanians will be better from now on and i can honor god more in them because they will be grounded in the realization that i love them - and more importantly, so does God.
i think being in south africa has made me really appreciate my experience. I actually feel out of place in this city that is so developed and western. ha, how ironic. i keep thinking how sad it is that there's all these african people here, with none of their culture. it could be different in other areas of south africa, but certainly the african culture in cape town is confined to gift shops and township tours... So as much as i hoped south africa would be a time to re energize and refresh, it has really served more to show me how much i enjoy dodoma and tanzanians. how much the people and their culture have grown to occupy a large part of my heart. i guess you could call that 'refreshment' in a different kind of way.
Dan, i'm also so thankful to you and leisha and lahash. one, for allowing me - a total stranger- to be a part of what you do and your vision and heart. and two, (this is huge for me) for allowing me to go through this process, in the same way as the muhagachi's and people at iringa road. I know it must be discouraging to hear me write all these negative things on my blog, in emails, and through chats. but i'm so thankful to feel like you guys know that that's all part of the process and to feel like you have stood by me, despite my dwelling on the tough stuff. i hope you can know how thankful i am to you for that. And please know, that even through all the tough stuff, there was TONS of stuff that i was enjoying and loving. those just weren't the things that i ended up writing about to the public...but i've got it all in my journal.
and now, i'm feeling better than ever and ready to go back home and savor every last moment in Africa. i have no idea what my relationship with these people or lahash will be in he future, but i hope to continue serving them in some capacity.
So, thank you thank you thank you. god must be really pleased by all the work that you do and how you do it. talk to you soon.
Leah
***on an entirely different note, i tried to wire money from my host mom's account to my checking account in the states to be able to pay for the south africa trip more conveniently. it should've taken 2 days and it's been almost 2 weeks and no money. i have to talk to the bank when i get back but i'm quite nervous that all will be lost. it's a lot of money, and if i can't recover it i'll be absolutely broke. and probably in debt. so i'm really praying it gets sorted, and would appreciate your prayers as well, if you think about it! thanks :)
they're amazing and i'm so thankful to be here through them. Just got an email from Dan Holcomb, the head dude, and i was holding back tears while reading. It's pretty hard to be able to accurately express my experiences here, and what gets posted on my blog is a pretty slanted view. mostly, it's the tough stuff and none of the awesome stuff. but Dan and his crew understand pretty well what it's like and i'm so grateful to them. Here is my reply e-mail to Dan which will hopefully give you a better insight as to what life has been like for me the last couple months...
Dan,
thank you so much for the email. i'm very grateful that you would take so much time out of your busy life to just reflect about my experiences here, your experiences, and to give advice/encouragement. it means a lot to me. thank you.
i'm really glad that you are able to identify with some of my experience in tanzania so far. the ups and downs, the excitement and frustrations, the simplicity and confusion, the joy and heartbreaks. all of it.
i've actually been feeling a lot better the last couple weeks. i'm not really sure what happened, but i feel like one day maybe 2 weeks ago, something clicked. i just started to realize how much i've grown to love tanzania, the people there, the african way of life, despite all it's differences and confusion it brings to my life. i feel like the first month was just a lot of taking in everything. drinking in all the new sights and sounds, etc. the second month was just tough. that's when all the thinking/processing started and when i really started to feel the tensions of me being so western, yet living in a place so african. trying to figure out how to deal with that and balance things has been so difficult - and i'm not sure i've managed the most gracefully. i'm so thankful for my host family and all the people for just allowing me to go through that process. to retreat into my room and be anti-social, to have lunches with other wazungu to get some familiar community. to spend time emailing friends and family to try and keep important people in my life up to speed on my experience. But then, in the midst of all this, they still allow me to be a part of them. to engage in the services, to play with their kids, to pray with them. it's really quite amazing and i'm sad that it's taken me so long to be able to see that. i'm so glad though, that this last month can be one that is more balanced. that i will, of course, still struggle with much of the same stuff from the previous month, but i will be able to balance that with my love for and respect of the people in tanzania and their way of life. it's like you said, love is the most important. i do feel like much of my reaction to things going on and the differences between me and the tanzanians will be better from now on and i can honor god more in them because they will be grounded in the realization that i love them - and more importantly, so does God.
i think being in south africa has made me really appreciate my experience. I actually feel out of place in this city that is so developed and western. ha, how ironic. i keep thinking how sad it is that there's all these african people here, with none of their culture. it could be different in other areas of south africa, but certainly the african culture in cape town is confined to gift shops and township tours... So as much as i hoped south africa would be a time to re energize and refresh, it has really served more to show me how much i enjoy dodoma and tanzanians. how much the people and their culture have grown to occupy a large part of my heart. i guess you could call that 'refreshment' in a different kind of way.
Dan, i'm also so thankful to you and leisha and lahash. one, for allowing me - a total stranger- to be a part of what you do and your vision and heart. and two, (this is huge for me) for allowing me to go through this process, in the same way as the muhagachi's and people at iringa road. I know it must be discouraging to hear me write all these negative things on my blog, in emails, and through chats. but i'm so thankful to feel like you guys know that that's all part of the process and to feel like you have stood by me, despite my dwelling on the tough stuff. i hope you can know how thankful i am to you for that. And please know, that even through all the tough stuff, there was TONS of stuff that i was enjoying and loving. those just weren't the things that i ended up writing about to the public...but i've got it all in my journal.
and now, i'm feeling better than ever and ready to go back home and savor every last moment in Africa. i have no idea what my relationship with these people or lahash will be in he future, but i hope to continue serving them in some capacity.
So, thank you thank you thank you. god must be really pleased by all the work that you do and how you do it. talk to you soon.
Leah
***on an entirely different note, i tried to wire money from my host mom's account to my checking account in the states to be able to pay for the south africa trip more conveniently. it should've taken 2 days and it's been almost 2 weeks and no money. i have to talk to the bank when i get back but i'm quite nervous that all will be lost. it's a lot of money, and if i can't recover it i'll be absolutely broke. and probably in debt. so i'm really praying it gets sorted, and would appreciate your prayers as well, if you think about it! thanks :)
Saturday, June 27, 2009
cape town
I've been having a good time so far, despite being by myself lol. Took a tour down the Cape Point which was awesome. The weather actually cleared up for most of the trip and it was breathtaking views the whole time. Drove down the point and saw ostriches, penguins, and baboons! Rode a bike for a bit down to the Cape of Good Hope and then a short hike up to a view point. Pretty gorgeous. Met 3 girls from Hawaii who are travelling all over and had a great time hanging out with them. Met up with them another day and walked around the waterfront and listened to live music at a little italian restaraunt. Been drinking lots of coffee and taking lots of walks around the city. Cape town feels very european and is kind of a weird experience since living in Dodoma for the past couple months. I've actually been missing tanzania and all things african. CT hardly feels african. and most of the africans i've met here are from other countries... The part of town my hostel is in feels a LOT like seattle or portland. full of coffee shops, hipsters, and retro boutiques. It's nice, but again, just weird to come from Tz to this. I'm sensing my transition to life back in Tacoma will be quite difficult also. There have been a couple hiccups during the trip involving my non-working ATM card (thus preventing me from getting cash at ALL. thank god i met those hawaii girls who have lent me some cash...) and also some obnoxious, drunk, british rugby fans (i had to switch out of my dorm room because one of them just wouldn't leave me alone...). But i'm trying to keep stress levels low and just go with the flow. Going back to Dar on tuesday and i'm excited for the heat, actually. it's too cold here!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
just an observation
Since my arrival in Africa, I have been experiencing life in some totally new and different ways. I really feel like before I came here, I had no concept of how different my thoughts and views and ways of doing life could be from my neighbours just across the globe. But that’s a lot of what brought me to Tanzania, wanting to know those things and see those differences. And they are many. I could spend all day talking about how different everything is here…from hugging, to showering, to family, to working and worshipping. But, at the moment, I only want to talk about one aspect of Africans that I’ve found different – one that I have really loved so far. It’s something I feel we don’t have in America or the West and I can’t be certain why it’s different or what makes a people react one way and another people a different way…
It’s in the singing. I feel like so much of the spirit of Africa is expressed through song. From what I’ve seen of these people, they have an unbelievable ability to endure. It seems like each person’s life story is riddled with struggle, hardship, and suffering. Even in the short amount of time I’ve been here, many of the staff at the church have had close family members or friends die. Many of the kids here are orphans and definitely don’t eat three times a day. The women in the programs at the church, in particular, endure amazing hardships. Most are HIV+ and are extremely poor, have no income, husbands are not around or are abusive, and the list goes on… Despite all these things, they sing. They clap, and dance, and cheer, and smile, and sing. It’s like they have this spirit that refuses to be broken, one which perseveres against all odds. I’m not saying they don’t ever lose hope or get depressed, but their tolerance for such trials and difficulties seems to far outweigh that of the Wests. I can’t help but be reminded of The Who’s in Dr. Seuss’ “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”. It was my favourite Christmas story growing up, and I still love it. At the end of the book, after the Who’s Christmas has been devastated and ruined by the Grinch, they gather in the town square, hold hands, and start singing. Their joy is not marred by their misfortune, it only served to remind them of what is most important; each other.
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! "Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all!
Dr. Seuss seems like a pretty smart dude...of course, this analogy begs the question, "who is the grinch?" hmm not sure...although my heart may have grown a size or two since i came to africa...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Why haven't i been blogging?
uhh i just don't really feel like it. Plus other reasons...which are
1.) as much as i envisioned blogging to be the way to communicate to most friends/family while in Africa, i still write emails and letters to people who i feel would like to receive them. I'm usually saying the same thing in most of them so it just gets tedious to write over and over again. By the time it comes to the blog, i'm usually burnt out of repeating myself. So, i'm sorry for those of you who haven't gotten emails or letters and aren't left with much as to my experience thus far. i'll try harder to blog!
2.) I feel like alot of the stuff i have to say is more on the negative side. Not because there are no good thigns going on or there aren't things that i really like and enjoy about africa, but the stuff that comes to mind is usually how difficult it is for me to be in a completely different culture. It's really been quite a challenge and i hate sounding like i'm complaining all the time. I don't wanna be a whiner. And i guess it isn't really whining, and there are legitimate issues arising because of the clash of cultures going on, but i just don't want to sound so negative all the time. Maybe i should get over that because that's just what's going on and i'm sure you people want to hear about it regardless, so i guess i'll work on that as well.
3.) My third reason is that i feel like some of my experience here is just too hard to articulate. There's so much goign on in my head all the time and i'm always trying to figure stuff out and analyze differences and and critique things and answer some of my questions. It's just alot. And hard to put into words. Alot of that stuff is concerning my reaction to poverty...and also cultural differences. It's so much to take in and is all so new that it's overwhelming to try and explain. And it's not even like i've never thought about poverty before, or collectivist cultures, or africa, or whatever - but i feel as if everything i've ever known or believed about the world and culture and living, is being challenged here. Thankfully, my ideas and belief in God haven't really been affected...i feel like the last 3 years of my life i've been in the process of reconstructing and shaping my faith and i'm glad not to be going through that whole process again at the moment. But as far as God's expectations of us, as believers, and how he desires us to live in the world - those with money and without, has been a huge question i'm grappling with.
I'll say this. Before i came to africa, the issue of poverty seemed simpler and easy. It was easy for me to just explain that to combat poverty we just need the rich to come into real contact and relationship with the poor and then to redistribute the wealth that those rich people have, and everything would be okay (shane claiborne). And i don't think that idea is false or anything, but since i've been here, i realize that the problem of poverty is so complex! it's so multi-faceted and has all these dimensions that are bigger than my understanding. It was quite frustrating when i first arrived because i feel like i came to africa looking for answers...and all i've gotten are more questions. but that figures, eh? it's just like life...not to be what we expect. Even though it is a struggle to always ask questions and feel like i never get any closer to answers, i am pretty confident that i'm more knowledgeable and aware of how life really is now, than before i came here. Even though it feels as if i've regressed, i know there is progress in all these experiences and that i am growing and learning through it all. My fear is that i'll return home and push all these thigns to the side. I'll be so glad to be back in my country, culture, and comfort zone that i will forget what i've seen, and how important these questions and conversations are. As of now, i don't think that will happen and i have a feeling that I'll just feel more confused after i get home, but i know i can rely on you (friends and family) to keep me thinking and asking and conversing about all these things.
On a totally different note: I spent a weekend in Dar es Salaam, the capital city, and had a great time. Stayed in a banda (grass hut) about 100 yards from the Indian Ocean on Kipepeo Beach. it was an awesome time. very relaxing and so fun to swim in the ocean, lay on the beach, sleep in a hut. Had the best indian food i've ever had in the city and didn't get mugged. i'd call it a success!
Going to Capetown in exactly 8 days. praise the lord! i can't wait...i definitely am welcoming a week away from dodoma and all things tanzanian lol. Staying at a hostel that is supposed to be one of the best and planning on being a tourist through and through. Robben island, table mountain, and wine-tasting...here i come! And i'm planning on drinking coffee every day all day. until i want to puke. (Side note: I did get some Stumptown coffee sent over courtesy of Levi. I almost peed my pants and am still waiting to grind it up and drink. i think today is the big day! thansk again levi!)
Have a friend named Brandon (from Viginia) who's been in Dodoma for the past 8 months. His dad came over and they are travelling around for the month (climbing Kili starting today! so jealous!). They are planning on 3 days of safari in the Serengeti (which is in tanzania) and i think Josh and I will try and meet up with them! I'm really praying this happens because i've been told not to leave tanzania without going to the serengeti and i'm pretty sure it will be AMAZING. pretty pricey, but it's totally worth it. I just need to convince my host family to let me go...
That's it for now. Again, sorry it's long - but i'ts been a while. Hope you are all doing lovely and can't wait to see your faces in august!
1.) as much as i envisioned blogging to be the way to communicate to most friends/family while in Africa, i still write emails and letters to people who i feel would like to receive them. I'm usually saying the same thing in most of them so it just gets tedious to write over and over again. By the time it comes to the blog, i'm usually burnt out of repeating myself. So, i'm sorry for those of you who haven't gotten emails or letters and aren't left with much as to my experience thus far. i'll try harder to blog!
2.) I feel like alot of the stuff i have to say is more on the negative side. Not because there are no good thigns going on or there aren't things that i really like and enjoy about africa, but the stuff that comes to mind is usually how difficult it is for me to be in a completely different culture. It's really been quite a challenge and i hate sounding like i'm complaining all the time. I don't wanna be a whiner. And i guess it isn't really whining, and there are legitimate issues arising because of the clash of cultures going on, but i just don't want to sound so negative all the time. Maybe i should get over that because that's just what's going on and i'm sure you people want to hear about it regardless, so i guess i'll work on that as well.
3.) My third reason is that i feel like some of my experience here is just too hard to articulate. There's so much goign on in my head all the time and i'm always trying to figure stuff out and analyze differences and and critique things and answer some of my questions. It's just alot. And hard to put into words. Alot of that stuff is concerning my reaction to poverty...and also cultural differences. It's so much to take in and is all so new that it's overwhelming to try and explain. And it's not even like i've never thought about poverty before, or collectivist cultures, or africa, or whatever - but i feel as if everything i've ever known or believed about the world and culture and living, is being challenged here. Thankfully, my ideas and belief in God haven't really been affected...i feel like the last 3 years of my life i've been in the process of reconstructing and shaping my faith and i'm glad not to be going through that whole process again at the moment. But as far as God's expectations of us, as believers, and how he desires us to live in the world - those with money and without, has been a huge question i'm grappling with.
I'll say this. Before i came to africa, the issue of poverty seemed simpler and easy. It was easy for me to just explain that to combat poverty we just need the rich to come into real contact and relationship with the poor and then to redistribute the wealth that those rich people have, and everything would be okay (shane claiborne). And i don't think that idea is false or anything, but since i've been here, i realize that the problem of poverty is so complex! it's so multi-faceted and has all these dimensions that are bigger than my understanding. It was quite frustrating when i first arrived because i feel like i came to africa looking for answers...and all i've gotten are more questions. but that figures, eh? it's just like life...not to be what we expect. Even though it is a struggle to always ask questions and feel like i never get any closer to answers, i am pretty confident that i'm more knowledgeable and aware of how life really is now, than before i came here. Even though it feels as if i've regressed, i know there is progress in all these experiences and that i am growing and learning through it all. My fear is that i'll return home and push all these thigns to the side. I'll be so glad to be back in my country, culture, and comfort zone that i will forget what i've seen, and how important these questions and conversations are. As of now, i don't think that will happen and i have a feeling that I'll just feel more confused after i get home, but i know i can rely on you (friends and family) to keep me thinking and asking and conversing about all these things.
On a totally different note: I spent a weekend in Dar es Salaam, the capital city, and had a great time. Stayed in a banda (grass hut) about 100 yards from the Indian Ocean on Kipepeo Beach. it was an awesome time. very relaxing and so fun to swim in the ocean, lay on the beach, sleep in a hut. Had the best indian food i've ever had in the city and didn't get mugged. i'd call it a success!
Going to Capetown in exactly 8 days. praise the lord! i can't wait...i definitely am welcoming a week away from dodoma and all things tanzanian lol. Staying at a hostel that is supposed to be one of the best and planning on being a tourist through and through. Robben island, table mountain, and wine-tasting...here i come! And i'm planning on drinking coffee every day all day. until i want to puke. (Side note: I did get some Stumptown coffee sent over courtesy of Levi. I almost peed my pants and am still waiting to grind it up and drink. i think today is the big day! thansk again levi!)
Have a friend named Brandon (from Viginia) who's been in Dodoma for the past 8 months. His dad came over and they are travelling around for the month (climbing Kili starting today! so jealous!). They are planning on 3 days of safari in the Serengeti (which is in tanzania) and i think Josh and I will try and meet up with them! I'm really praying this happens because i've been told not to leave tanzania without going to the serengeti and i'm pretty sure it will be AMAZING. pretty pricey, but it's totally worth it. I just need to convince my host family to let me go...
That's it for now. Again, sorry it's long - but i'ts been a while. Hope you are all doing lovely and can't wait to see your faces in august!
Monday, May 25, 2009
on a different note
than the previous post...
i've had a really great weekend! I think after this last week (which is when I wrote the previous post) I needed a little bit of time away. Conveniently, there is a group of 3 New Zealanders who arrived in Dodoma this week and I've been getting to spend quite a bit of time with them, as well as some other mzungu's in town. It's been a nice little break to be able to have dinner with them and to get to process some of what I've been experiencing here with them. They're only spending a few days in Dodoma so they're off to Arusha tomorrow... but I'm already planning when I can take a trip to New Zealand for a visit. They've been a ton of fun to hang out with and I'm really thankful for their company. As well as some of the other people in town. One missionary family live on a compound about 15 mins. outside of town and i got to hang out there all day yesterday. It was glorious. Did some reading on their green grass, climbed on the big rocks around their house, watched their kids play football, ate home-made chocolate chip cookies(!!), etc. It was a much needed, relaxing day. Where they live actually reminded me of eastern Washington a lot. Made me wish I was hanging out on Lake Chelan with Rachael's family! :) Anyways, so i am quite thankful for the new friendships i'm finding here in tanzania...hopefully people I will get to see again!
i've had a really great weekend! I think after this last week (which is when I wrote the previous post) I needed a little bit of time away. Conveniently, there is a group of 3 New Zealanders who arrived in Dodoma this week and I've been getting to spend quite a bit of time with them, as well as some other mzungu's in town. It's been a nice little break to be able to have dinner with them and to get to process some of what I've been experiencing here with them. They're only spending a few days in Dodoma so they're off to Arusha tomorrow... but I'm already planning when I can take a trip to New Zealand for a visit. They've been a ton of fun to hang out with and I'm really thankful for their company. As well as some of the other people in town. One missionary family live on a compound about 15 mins. outside of town and i got to hang out there all day yesterday. It was glorious. Did some reading on their green grass, climbed on the big rocks around their house, watched their kids play football, ate home-made chocolate chip cookies(!!), etc. It was a much needed, relaxing day. Where they live actually reminded me of eastern Washington a lot. Made me wish I was hanging out on Lake Chelan with Rachael's family! :) Anyways, so i am quite thankful for the new friendships i'm finding here in tanzania...hopefully people I will get to see again!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
my constant prayer
these days is for patience. and understanding. Both of which seem so difficult for me to attain, yet so necessary for me to be content on this foreign continent.
Now that I have been in Tanzania for a month, some of the things that at once seemed novel and surprising and exciting are now becoming frustrating or annoying. Most of these things are just minor inconveniences that don't really bother me outside my moment of irritation. Things like the outlet in my room that never seems to charge my phone when i want it to, the luke-warm showers, the mosquito bites, the abundance of dry white bread, rice and beans, the absence of lettuce, lunch meat, and coffee, etc etc etc. I think i have enough patience within me to handle those things.
My prayers are for bigger things, such as the lack of freedom involved in staying with a host family. I opperate mainly on other people's schedules and rules which is not something i'm used to doing. Also, the lack of space to myself. Thankfully, I have my own room so that helps..but i live in a tiny house with 8 other people so there is never really any time alone. I am seeing how much i need that time to think, process, and recharge...to better function in this place.
I need patience for the teaching at the church. It seems like I am sitting in a service, preaching, teaching, or devotional every day if not more than once a day (and that alone requires immense patience for me to be present because i don't like sitting in church all day) and either the teaching is usually along the lines of a prosperity gospel, OR i am just confused as to what we are talking about. Often the verses don't seem to go together and the ideas articulated never seem to connect very well. I am somebody who highly values organization and research when teaching so it's hard for me to gloss over these things.
As I said earlier, it's getting difficult for me to sit through all the meetings and services. I'm pretty sure it's all part of the african way of life...taking the time to sit and talk about everything, or sing and dance. But it's just feels like too much for me sometimes. It's as if we almost spend more time sitting in meetings and services, than actually doing work. I can't change the fact that I've grown up in a culture where efficiency is a way of life. And i even think i'm on the "less-efficient" end of the spectrum, compared to most people i know... but being here makes me realize how much I, too, am a direct product of American culture. I realize how much time is a valuable thing to us from the West. How I even feel personally offended, when i feel like my time is being wasted. Respecting someone else's time is a way respecting them. Not so in Africa. All the Tanzanians seem perfectly fine with sitting through 4 hour long meetings or church services. lol, boy it's tough for me. I'm getting more used to it though, but I think that's only because i expect it now.
The last thing i'll mention that I need patience for is issues with money. I feel a little better about things this week, but last week i was a bit upset. The assumption here is that white = money. And i'm not saying that is a false assumption, and I don't mind that that assumption is made - if left at that. But it's never left at that. I feel as if I am asked for money constantly. It comes in different forms: the street kids with no shoes, the leprous grandfather sitting by the bush, the sunday service offering, the wed service offering, the fellowship group offering, the woman's business group offering, donations to the bishop's ordination, and basically anyone selling anything anywhere. I feel a little bit assaulted at times. And taken advantaged of. I am able to say no unless i really feel like I want to, but saying no gets tiring and wears me out. It's hard also, when i feel like half of the time it's the church hitting me up for money. And i never really feel like i can give in private. It seems to be everyone's business. I actually had a church member count the folded bills I gave him and tell the woman next to me how much I gave him. haha, that would SO never happen in America. I guess that's another way we respect people, privacy when it comes to money stuff.
I hate that this post is so long and sounds like I'm just complaining. I'm really trying to be conscious of that and to not put things or the people here in a negative light. I understand that the reasons these things are so hard for me is because of cultural differences and not some inherent flaw in africans or their way of life. And as a disclaimer, while I am finding many things difficult to deal with - it certainly does not outweigh the things I love and enjoy about these people and their culture. But i know that you, my friends and family want to know what's going on with me...and this is what I got. So thanks for listening to all this and thanks for all the prayers!
Now that I have been in Tanzania for a month, some of the things that at once seemed novel and surprising and exciting are now becoming frustrating or annoying. Most of these things are just minor inconveniences that don't really bother me outside my moment of irritation. Things like the outlet in my room that never seems to charge my phone when i want it to, the luke-warm showers, the mosquito bites, the abundance of dry white bread, rice and beans, the absence of lettuce, lunch meat, and coffee, etc etc etc. I think i have enough patience within me to handle those things.
My prayers are for bigger things, such as the lack of freedom involved in staying with a host family. I opperate mainly on other people's schedules and rules which is not something i'm used to doing. Also, the lack of space to myself. Thankfully, I have my own room so that helps..but i live in a tiny house with 8 other people so there is never really any time alone. I am seeing how much i need that time to think, process, and recharge...to better function in this place.
I need patience for the teaching at the church. It seems like I am sitting in a service, preaching, teaching, or devotional every day if not more than once a day (and that alone requires immense patience for me to be present because i don't like sitting in church all day) and either the teaching is usually along the lines of a prosperity gospel, OR i am just confused as to what we are talking about. Often the verses don't seem to go together and the ideas articulated never seem to connect very well. I am somebody who highly values organization and research when teaching so it's hard for me to gloss over these things.
As I said earlier, it's getting difficult for me to sit through all the meetings and services. I'm pretty sure it's all part of the african way of life...taking the time to sit and talk about everything, or sing and dance. But it's just feels like too much for me sometimes. It's as if we almost spend more time sitting in meetings and services, than actually doing work. I can't change the fact that I've grown up in a culture where efficiency is a way of life. And i even think i'm on the "less-efficient" end of the spectrum, compared to most people i know... but being here makes me realize how much I, too, am a direct product of American culture. I realize how much time is a valuable thing to us from the West. How I even feel personally offended, when i feel like my time is being wasted. Respecting someone else's time is a way respecting them. Not so in Africa. All the Tanzanians seem perfectly fine with sitting through 4 hour long meetings or church services. lol, boy it's tough for me. I'm getting more used to it though, but I think that's only because i expect it now.
The last thing i'll mention that I need patience for is issues with money. I feel a little better about things this week, but last week i was a bit upset. The assumption here is that white = money. And i'm not saying that is a false assumption, and I don't mind that that assumption is made - if left at that. But it's never left at that. I feel as if I am asked for money constantly. It comes in different forms: the street kids with no shoes, the leprous grandfather sitting by the bush, the sunday service offering, the wed service offering, the fellowship group offering, the woman's business group offering, donations to the bishop's ordination, and basically anyone selling anything anywhere. I feel a little bit assaulted at times. And taken advantaged of. I am able to say no unless i really feel like I want to, but saying no gets tiring and wears me out. It's hard also, when i feel like half of the time it's the church hitting me up for money. And i never really feel like i can give in private. It seems to be everyone's business. I actually had a church member count the folded bills I gave him and tell the woman next to me how much I gave him. haha, that would SO never happen in America. I guess that's another way we respect people, privacy when it comes to money stuff.
I hate that this post is so long and sounds like I'm just complaining. I'm really trying to be conscious of that and to not put things or the people here in a negative light. I understand that the reasons these things are so hard for me is because of cultural differences and not some inherent flaw in africans or their way of life. And as a disclaimer, while I am finding many things difficult to deal with - it certainly does not outweigh the things I love and enjoy about these people and their culture. But i know that you, my friends and family want to know what's going on with me...and this is what I got. So thanks for listening to all this and thanks for all the prayers!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
last week, i attended the wednesday night service. it was my first wed service so im not sure what they are usually like, but i think this one was a little special. it was a service marking the end of 3 days of fasting that the church was doing (only morning to evening fasting, so they ate dinner). i only fasted the last day - it wasn't even clear to me why the church was fasting, but i had some personal reasons so i thought i could go with it. anyways, wed night was my first time being present during a really charismatic worship time. i'm still not sure what to think about all of it. basically, we had the usual singing and dancing worshipt time. then there was a sermon, which was longer than usual, and all i got out of it was that he was talking about being filled with the holy spirit for about an hour. next thing i know, we are clearing the plastic lawn chairs out of the way cuz things were about to get crazy. there was lots of prayer, very repetitive. and then there was just lots of shouting, wailing, falling on the floor, laughing uncontrallably, laying hands on people, praying 'in the name of Yesu Christo', etc. i wasn't really expecting all of that. i decided to leave about 2 hours into the whole shebang. i figured it was a good time for me to learn how to get home by myself on the dala dala (bus). i made it, successfully - but have felt really confused about the whole experience so far. i definitely know that there are alot of christians who worship in that way, but i've never actually been in the midst of it happening. i don't reallyknow much about it at all except for the one week at capernwray where we studied the person and work of the holy spirit. and i distinctly remember hearing that god never desires for us to be out of control of our own bodies (and also self control is one of the gifts of the spirit, and the people in that room definitely looked a little out of control). anyways, i'm not trying to say that it is bad or wrong or anything. i just am trying to understand. i can't figure out what the purpose of all of that stuff is. what is accomplished by all that hubub? maybe i am asking the wrong questions and it doesn't really matter what gets accomplished. i guess then, is it really pleasing to god? or maybe mainly, is it genuine? is it real? do they make it up? convince themselves? or is it really the power of the holy spirit? hmmm...lots of things to ponder, and no access to any good books to educate myself. again as usual. i would love any input on the topic. gosh, africa is making me do some hard work with all these new experiences. but i'm glad. it's good.
i don't have much time
six minutes, to be exact, is left of my internet time. there is so much to say about my experiences so far. but again, i will have to postpone. i'm thinking for now, i'll just write a quick list.
things i love about tanzania:
-the wild flowers, they are so colorful and gorgeous!
-the clothes the women wear, again, so colorful and bright
-taking the time to sincerely greet the people around you
-how far the amerian dollar goes
-how nice everyone is to me and how much the kids automatically love me
-playing squash with the other white people in town
-home visits to sick people
that's not much so far, i'm sure i'll add tons to this list as time goes on and i get to do more stuff and see more things.
things i miss about home
-coffee, coffee, coffee
-salads and sandwiches
-trash cans
-the rain (grass is always greener on the other side, eh?)
-readily available soap after using the toilet
-the freedom to expose my legs in public a.k.a. NOT wearing longs skirts every day. laaame.
-mountain ranges
-large bodies of water
-reliable electricity/water/internet
and it goes without saying that imiss all of you - my friends and family.
things i love about tanzania:
-the wild flowers, they are so colorful and gorgeous!
-the clothes the women wear, again, so colorful and bright
-taking the time to sincerely greet the people around you
-how far the amerian dollar goes
-how nice everyone is to me and how much the kids automatically love me
-playing squash with the other white people in town
-home visits to sick people
that's not much so far, i'm sure i'll add tons to this list as time goes on and i get to do more stuff and see more things.
things i miss about home
-coffee, coffee, coffee
-salads and sandwiches
-trash cans
-the rain (grass is always greener on the other side, eh?)
-readily available soap after using the toilet
-the freedom to expose my legs in public a.k.a. NOT wearing longs skirts every day. laaame.
-mountain ranges
-large bodies of water
-reliable electricity/water/internet
and it goes without saying that imiss all of you - my friends and family.
Friday, May 8, 2009
yes!!
i have found the other white people living in dodoma!! it sounds silly to be excited about that, but i am. Josh, the other american (and only other mzungu who works at the church) finally returned from a conference. he's been living here for a year and has made friendships with all the other white people (the young ones, at least) in Dodoma. Just spending a few hours with him has profited greatly for me, socially speaking. so far, i've met two new zealanders, a brit, and another american. all guys, but i hear there are a couple girls around. Part of me feels like it's running away or somethign to spend lots of my free time with the other mzungu's in town. but i think it's okay, and actually probably very necessary for my sanity. plus, i don't feel too bad because i live with a tanzanian family and all the other mzungu's live on their own or together. which, if i was to be here longer than 3 months, i would definitely get in on. they have the luxury of having sit-down toilets and real showers with tubs! and they have ovens!! i'm so jealous. but, mostly, thankful to have met them. it's nice to be able to chat about flight of the conchords and atonement :) Josh has a stash of coffee that i'm hoping he will hook me up with. the only coffee here is instant and you can't buy the real stuff anywhere. nor the means to make it, so i'll have to borrow something maybe - or just boil it all on the stove and strain it...i don't care how it's made, i just would killll for a cup of coffee. there is lots more to say about things i've been experiencing but ill write more later.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
just blowing a little steam..
today at church i was having a hard time. it was the sermon. maybe i'm missing some things in the translation, but i think the message was acutally pretty clear. the pastor said that to prosper, we need to pray hard and work hard. and basically, people who don't prosper - it's because they don't pray hard or know jesus personally, or also because they don't work hard. if you work hard and love jesus he will bless you with prosperity. to me, that's a load of bull. i mean, maybe he knows that his congregation needs to be encouraged to work and pray, but i feel like that is the kind of theology that screws you up. because if you don't prosper, it's your own fault and you should've prayed more or worked harder. he even went so far as to use the example of bill gates becoming so rich. he said that he started with nothing, and through hard work, he made great wealth. aah, it makes me so mad. is that what these people really need to hear? these people who have nothing. who can't pay for their kids to eat more than once a day. who can't pay for their kids to go to school. who are sick and dying from preventable and treatable diseases. that they didn't work hard enough? or they could've prayed harder? then god would have blessed them with 'prosperity'. i just don't believe it. it makes me mad. again, there could be a whole cultural issue that i'm missing and don't get. but i dunno. maybe in three months i will have a different opinion. maybe those of you who have spent time in africa can enlighten me :)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
finally...
some snapshots of my life in africa. the house i live in, my room, some kids from the church, the big hill in town that i climbed, a woman named Rose who has cancer, me washing my clothes in a bucket, and the street i live on. pictures take forever to upload here so this will have to do for now!
last night
I washed my clothes…by HAND! How sad that it felt so novel! lol, but I’m sure the novelty will wear off after the next couple of times. I am very thankful to Grace and Peace (my host family sisters) who showed me the ropes and helped me to wash all my clothes. It would’ve been a big job to do all by myself…I can see the advantages to owning only a few items of clothing. Even though my clothes are now stretched out and stiff from the hand washing, I can wear them with pride knowing that I cleaned these puppies by hand!
victor
Is my host family’s son who is 13. He is very bright and loves to talk in English. I usually have a good time chatting with him about lots of different things. I had an interesting conversation with him about Tanzania’s development, or lack thereof, in contrast with other African countries and America. I am surprised at all the opinions a 13 year old can have. And I am also surprised that he knows enough, let alone cares enough, to be able to hold a conversation about the topic. Like I said, he’s very smart. His sentiments were mainly that Tanzania’s leaders have been stupid (his words, not mine) and have kept Tanzania from developing because of their stupidity. He talked about how all of the resources their country has to offer the rest of the world are owned by private white-owned companies. He was frustrated because Tanzanians are not in control of their own land, taking lead in the global market, and making huge steps towards development.
I’m not sure how much of what he said is true, but Tz is definitely still a developing nation with a long road ahead (if being like America or Europe is the goal). It was sad to hear him blame his nation’s leaders for their lack of progress. Of course, I can understand the desire to be developed…but I tried to relay to him the disadvantages to being a developed nation, to capitalism. This all brings up a lot of questions…and I’m realizing how uneducated I am in the arenas of economics, political science, and government. I would love some book suggestions anyone can give me so I can educate myself a bit!
I’m not sure how much of what he said is true, but Tz is definitely still a developing nation with a long road ahead (if being like America or Europe is the goal). It was sad to hear him blame his nation’s leaders for their lack of progress. Of course, I can understand the desire to be developed…but I tried to relay to him the disadvantages to being a developed nation, to capitalism. This all brings up a lot of questions…and I’m realizing how uneducated I am in the arenas of economics, political science, and government. I would love some book suggestions anyone can give me so I can educate myself a bit!
address and phone number
I now officially have an address for those of you who want to write or send packages! It’s a p.o. box that is actually for the church, but is also used as a mailbox for the whole congregation! Thankfully though, I think there are only a few people who can check it and I’m confident they will get my stuff to me safely. Here’s where you can send things:
Leah Davis
Box 3230
Dodoma, Tanzania
East Africa
Also, I bought a cell phone since that is the popular thing here in Tanzania. International calls made from the phone are pretty expensive…five bucks only gets about ten minutes. Yikes! But, word on the street (from an American missionary) is that if people in the states use calling cards or skype to my cell phone, it’s pretty cheap. And texting is also relatively cheap, sending or receiving. I would love to get calls from any of you who are willing to pay a bit! My number is:
255-75-978-6010
I might be getting a different phone number that is for international calls and hopefully would make them cheaper. If so, I’ll be sure to post it on the blog!
Leah Davis
Box 3230
Dodoma, Tanzania
East Africa
Also, I bought a cell phone since that is the popular thing here in Tanzania. International calls made from the phone are pretty expensive…five bucks only gets about ten minutes. Yikes! But, word on the street (from an American missionary) is that if people in the states use calling cards or skype to my cell phone, it’s pretty cheap. And texting is also relatively cheap, sending or receiving. I would love to get calls from any of you who are willing to pay a bit! My number is:
255-75-978-6010
I might be getting a different phone number that is for international calls and hopefully would make them cheaper. If so, I’ll be sure to post it on the blog!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
the queston of the day
"do africans use toilet paper"??
i'm still not sure. you'd think it would be clear by now, but it's not! they don't usually keep toilet paper in the bathrooms, thankfully my host family accomodates me, but even then...with 4 or 5 people sharing the same bathroom, it seemed like i was the only one using the tp. hmmm. There are usually faucets next to the toilet witha bucket so my best guess is that they just use water instead of tp, but i don't know. sometimes the water doesn't work! what do you do then?
haha, this is all very foreign and amusing to me. it's so different! i'll do some investigations and let you know what i find out...
i'm still not sure. you'd think it would be clear by now, but it's not! they don't usually keep toilet paper in the bathrooms, thankfully my host family accomodates me, but even then...with 4 or 5 people sharing the same bathroom, it seemed like i was the only one using the tp. hmmm. There are usually faucets next to the toilet witha bucket so my best guess is that they just use water instead of tp, but i don't know. sometimes the water doesn't work! what do you do then?
haha, this is all very foreign and amusing to me. it's so different! i'll do some investigations and let you know what i find out...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
mzungu
that's what they call me. the chidren, that is. it means "white person". this is my second day hanging around the church and when there's nothing for me to do i usually wander around and look for the kids. Even when i'm just standing off in the distance watching them play or am walking past their classroom, the kids start shouting "mzungu! mzungu!" haha, it's funny to me. Some of them run up to me and just stare. I usually get lots of stares on the street too, and some people smile and wave. All because i'm a mzungu. It's a unique experience for me, coming from an ethnic majority to a place where i'm a definite minority. I haven't actually even seen another white person since i've been in Africa. Not even in Dar es Salaam, the big city in Tz. That being said, i dont' ever feel uncomfortable or not accepted by the people here. just different, which is nice. I do know, though, that there is a guy from America working at the church. he's gone for the week so i haven't met him yet, but i'm sure i'll be seeing him alot. and another gal from portland will be joining me for two months this summer, and i'm pretty excited to have her around. well, that's all for now. my brain is slowing down because of lack of sleep!
Monday, April 20, 2009
i made it!
finally. after three very long days of travel, i have arrived in dodoma, tanzania! whoo! it's hot hot hot and beautiful! the people have been wonderful so far and have made me feel very welcome. i haven't gotten sick yet, thank god, and the food is pretty good. the house i'm staying at is nicer than i had expected. i have my own little room which is actually a nice size and very comfy. dodoma is nice. it's very smalll, but i like that. people are always walking and riding bikes everywhere. the roads are ridiculous! everyone drives like a maniac and it's like off-roading over some of these bumpy, unpaved roads. but it's fantastic! i love a little chaos here and there...
My host family is awesome! Mama Esther has been so good to me and is really fun. she told me that i am her daughter now, which means alot to me :). Amos is also very kind, more serious, but still very nice. and i love their children! grace, 11 and peace, 7 are so fun! and victor, 13-ish is also great. they are all so smart and playful and speak english very well. I'm thankful to be here and am feeling at peace, so i'm glad for that.
Tea (breakfast) is ready so imust go! i will leave you with what sounds i wake up to each morning at FIVE o'clock...1. the cow in the yard next door and it's awful, horrible loeing :/ 2. the rooster who cocka-doodle-doo's so freaking loud in the other yard next door and 3. the muslim call to prayer from the nearby mosque...it's all very annoying so early in the morning, but i'm actually enjoying it all because like i said, i like a little bit of chaos :)
thanks everyone for your prayers! i'll write more when i have another chance!
kwaheri
My host family is awesome! Mama Esther has been so good to me and is really fun. she told me that i am her daughter now, which means alot to me :). Amos is also very kind, more serious, but still very nice. and i love their children! grace, 11 and peace, 7 are so fun! and victor, 13-ish is also great. they are all so smart and playful and speak english very well. I'm thankful to be here and am feeling at peace, so i'm glad for that.
Tea (breakfast) is ready so imust go! i will leave you with what sounds i wake up to each morning at FIVE o'clock...1. the cow in the yard next door and it's awful, horrible loeing :/ 2. the rooster who cocka-doodle-doo's so freaking loud in the other yard next door and 3. the muslim call to prayer from the nearby mosque...it's all very annoying so early in the morning, but i'm actually enjoying it all because like i said, i like a little bit of chaos :)
thanks everyone for your prayers! i'll write more when i have another chance!
kwaheri
Friday, April 17, 2009
my roomate elizabeth and I took a trip to the coast a couple weekends ago. it was fabulous! cannon beach is awesome and gorgeous. i thought i'd post a few photos just to share!the adventure begins
in about ten hours. it's midnight, the night before i hop onto planes that will take me to a new continent, a new country, a new culture, a new time in my life. it's hard to sound excited because i'm very sleepy and need to go to bed...but i am. very! this past week has been nice to just relax and calm down my anxieties about the trip, to just be with friends and family and enjoy my time at home. I am, of course, still mindful and expectant of all the struggle, hardship, fatigue, loneliness, and heartbreak that is to come over the next three months - but i have decided i just need to let it come when it does. I can't be thinking about all that now, even though i know it will come...let each day worry about itself, right? So, as of now, i feel pretty calm and at peace. THe only exception is that i have concerns about money swimming around the back of my head. ( and i fear that trying not to worry about them is a little bit like denial of the fact that they are real, actual concerns that i need to face sooner or later). AKA i'm broke!! lol, and i'm still hoping that more people feel moved to donate to my trip so that i can stay as long as i hope to and will still be able to function/survive when i return.
anyways, this is my farewell from the US for a while. hello, Tanzania!! it's gonna be great. crazy and nuts, but great. thank you again to everyone for all the support and love and prayers. i am very very blessed by you all.
anyways, this is my farewell from the US for a while. hello, Tanzania!! it's gonna be great. crazy and nuts, but great. thank you again to everyone for all the support and love and prayers. i am very very blessed by you all.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
i've never
been a blogger...til NOW. In all honesty, i slightly cringe at the idea of a whole website dedicated solely to my ideas, thoughts, opinions, etc. (Not that i cringe when i read other people's blogs, on the contrary - i enjoy them alot.) It's weird because i have no problem expressing all those same things to someone in person...but i guess it just feels different over this media. You can't judge people's reactions and interest, you know? maybe i shouldn't be so concerned with that though...
WHY then, you ask, do i have a blog? in light of my upcoming trip to Africa, lots of people have suggested that i start a blog as a convenient way to keep everyone updated on my experiences. I've decided it's a good idea because, while I will have internet access in close proximity, i can't say i'll have time to email frequently to everyone i would want to. Plus, it's just an easy way to get information, stories, pictures, and prayer requests out to everyone at one time.
and WHO KNOWS? i might just get really into this whole blogging thing... it's not so hard :)
WHY then, you ask, do i have a blog? in light of my upcoming trip to Africa, lots of people have suggested that i start a blog as a convenient way to keep everyone updated on my experiences. I've decided it's a good idea because, while I will have internet access in close proximity, i can't say i'll have time to email frequently to everyone i would want to. Plus, it's just an easy way to get information, stories, pictures, and prayer requests out to everyone at one time.
and WHO KNOWS? i might just get really into this whole blogging thing... it's not so hard :)
Friday, March 27, 2009
tribute
i think it is appropriate for me to use my first posting to give honor where it is due. the amazing, the incredible, the outstanding - flight of the conchords. who provide me with obscene amounts of laughter and joy, and also a blog title :) enjoy!
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