my constant prayer

these days is for patience. and understanding. Both of which seem so difficult for me to attain, yet so necessary for me to be content on this foreign continent.

Now that I have been in Tanzania for a month, some of the things that at once seemed novel and surprising and exciting are now becoming frustrating or annoying. Most of these things are just minor inconveniences that don't really bother me outside my moment of irritation. Things like the outlet in my room that never seems to charge my phone when i want it to, the luke-warm showers, the mosquito bites, the abundance of dry white bread, rice and beans, the absence of lettuce, lunch meat, and coffee, etc etc etc. I think i have enough patience within me to handle those things.

My prayers are for bigger things, such as the lack of freedom involved in staying with a host family. I opperate mainly on other people's schedules and rules which is not something i'm used to doing. Also, the lack of space to myself. Thankfully, I have my own room so that helps..but i live in a tiny house with 8 other people so there is never really any time alone. I am seeing how much i need that time to think, process, and recharge...to better function in this place.

I need patience for the teaching at the church. It seems like I am sitting in a service, preaching, teaching, or devotional every day if not more than once a day (and that alone requires immense patience for me to be present because i don't like sitting in church all day) and either the teaching is usually along the lines of a prosperity gospel, OR i am just confused as to what we are talking about. Often the verses don't seem to go together and the ideas articulated never seem to connect very well. I am somebody who highly values organization and research when teaching so it's hard for me to gloss over these things.

As I said earlier, it's getting difficult for me to sit through all the meetings and services. I'm pretty sure it's all part of the african way of life...taking the time to sit and talk about everything, or sing and dance. But it's just feels like too much for me sometimes. It's as if we almost spend more time sitting in meetings and services, than actually doing work. I can't change the fact that I've grown up in a culture where efficiency is a way of life. And i even think i'm on the "less-efficient" end of the spectrum, compared to most people i know... but being here makes me realize how much I, too, am a direct product of American culture. I realize how much time is a valuable thing to us from the West. How I even feel personally offended, when i feel like my time is being wasted. Respecting someone else's time is a way respecting them. Not so in Africa. All the Tanzanians seem perfectly fine with sitting through 4 hour long meetings or church services. lol, boy it's tough for me. I'm getting more used to it though, but I think that's only because i expect it now.

The last thing i'll mention that I need patience for is issues with money. I feel a little better about things this week, but last week i was a bit upset. The assumption here is that white = money. And i'm not saying that is a false assumption, and I don't mind that that assumption is made - if left at that. But it's never left at that. I feel as if I am asked for money constantly. It comes in different forms: the street kids with no shoes, the leprous grandfather sitting by the bush, the sunday service offering, the wed service offering, the fellowship group offering, the woman's business group offering, donations to the bishop's ordination, and basically anyone selling anything anywhere. I feel a little bit assaulted at times. And taken advantaged of. I am able to say no unless i really feel like I want to, but saying no gets tiring and wears me out. It's hard also, when i feel like half of the time it's the church hitting me up for money. And i never really feel like i can give in private. It seems to be everyone's business. I actually had a church member count the folded bills I gave him and tell the woman next to me how much I gave him. haha, that would SO never happen in America. I guess that's another way we respect people, privacy when it comes to money stuff.

I hate that this post is so long and sounds like I'm just complaining. I'm really trying to be conscious of that and to not put things or the people here in a negative light. I understand that the reasons these things are so hard for me is because of cultural differences and not some inherent flaw in africans or their way of life. And as a disclaimer, while I am finding many things difficult to deal with - it certainly does not outweigh the things I love and enjoy about these people and their culture. But i know that you, my friends and family want to know what's going on with me...and this is what I got. So thanks for listening to all this and thanks for all the prayers!