Why haven't i been blogging?

uhh i just don't really feel like it. Plus other reasons...which are

1.) as much as i envisioned blogging to be the way to communicate to most friends/family while in Africa, i still write emails and letters to people who i feel would like to receive them. I'm usually saying the same thing in most of them so it just gets tedious to write over and over again. By the time it comes to the blog, i'm usually burnt out of repeating myself. So, i'm sorry for those of you who haven't gotten emails or letters and aren't left with much as to my experience thus far. i'll try harder to blog!

2.) I feel like alot of the stuff i have to say is more on the negative side. Not because there are no good thigns going on or there aren't things that i really like and enjoy about africa, but the stuff that comes to mind is usually how difficult it is for me to be in a completely different culture. It's really been quite a challenge and i hate sounding like i'm complaining all the time. I don't wanna be a whiner. And i guess it isn't really whining, and there are legitimate issues arising because of the clash of cultures going on, but i just don't want to sound so negative all the time. Maybe i should get over that because that's just what's going on and i'm sure you people want to hear about it regardless, so i guess i'll work on that as well.

3.) My third reason is that i feel like some of my experience here is just too hard to articulate. There's so much goign on in my head all the time and i'm always trying to figure stuff out and analyze differences and and critique things and answer some of my questions. It's just alot. And hard to put into words. Alot of that stuff is concerning my reaction to poverty...and also cultural differences. It's so much to take in and is all so new that it's overwhelming to try and explain. And it's not even like i've never thought about poverty before, or collectivist cultures, or africa, or whatever - but i feel as if everything i've ever known or believed about the world and culture and living, is being challenged here. Thankfully, my ideas and belief in God haven't really been affected...i feel like the last 3 years of my life i've been in the process of reconstructing and shaping my faith and i'm glad not to be going through that whole process again at the moment. But as far as God's expectations of us, as believers, and how he desires us to live in the world - those with money and without, has been a huge question i'm grappling with.

I'll say this. Before i came to africa, the issue of poverty seemed simpler and easy. It was easy for me to just explain that to combat poverty we just need the rich to come into real contact and relationship with the poor and then to redistribute the wealth that those rich people have, and everything would be okay (shane claiborne). And i don't think that idea is false or anything, but since i've been here, i realize that the problem of poverty is so complex! it's so multi-faceted and has all these dimensions that are bigger than my understanding. It was quite frustrating when i first arrived because i feel like i came to africa looking for answers...and all i've gotten are more questions. but that figures, eh? it's just like life...not to be what we expect. Even though it is a struggle to always ask questions and feel like i never get any closer to answers, i am pretty confident that i'm more knowledgeable and aware of how life really is now, than before i came here. Even though it feels as if i've regressed, i know there is progress in all these experiences and that i am growing and learning through it all. My fear is that i'll return home and push all these thigns to the side. I'll be so glad to be back in my country, culture, and comfort zone that i will forget what i've seen, and how important these questions and conversations are. As of now, i don't think that will happen and i have a feeling that I'll just feel more confused after i get home, but i know i can rely on you (friends and family) to keep me thinking and asking and conversing about all these things.

On a totally different note: I spent a weekend in Dar es Salaam, the capital city, and had a great time. Stayed in a banda (grass hut) about 100 yards from the Indian Ocean on Kipepeo Beach. it was an awesome time. very relaxing and so fun to swim in the ocean, lay on the beach, sleep in a hut. Had the best indian food i've ever had in the city and didn't get mugged. i'd call it a success!

Going to Capetown in exactly 8 days. praise the lord! i can't wait...i definitely am welcoming a week away from dodoma and all things tanzanian lol. Staying at a hostel that is supposed to be one of the best and planning on being a tourist through and through. Robben island, table mountain, and wine-tasting...here i come! And i'm planning on drinking coffee every day all day. until i want to puke. (Side note: I did get some Stumptown coffee sent over courtesy of Levi. I almost peed my pants and am still waiting to grind it up and drink. i think today is the big day! thansk again levi!)

Have a friend named Brandon (from Viginia) who's been in Dodoma for the past 8 months. His dad came over and they are travelling around for the month (climbing Kili starting today! so jealous!). They are planning on 3 days of safari in the Serengeti (which is in tanzania) and i think Josh and I will try and meet up with them! I'm really praying this happens because i've been told not to leave tanzania without going to the serengeti and i'm pretty sure it will be AMAZING. pretty pricey, but it's totally worth it. I just need to convince my host family to let me go...

That's it for now. Again, sorry it's long - but i'ts been a while. Hope you are all doing lovely and can't wait to see your faces in august!