praise the lord

for Lahash International.

they're amazing and i'm so thankful to be here through them. Just got an email from Dan Holcomb, the head dude, and i was holding back tears while reading. It's pretty hard to be able to accurately express my experiences here, and what gets posted on my blog is a pretty slanted view. mostly, it's the tough stuff and none of the awesome stuff. but Dan and his crew understand pretty well what it's like and i'm so grateful to them. Here is my reply e-mail to Dan which will hopefully give you a better insight as to what life has been like for me the last couple months...

Dan,

thank you so much for the email. i'm very grateful that you would take so much time out of your busy life to just reflect about my experiences here, your experiences, and to give advice/encouragement. it means a lot to me. thank you.

i'm really glad that you are able to identify with some of my experience in tanzania so far. the ups and downs, the excitement and frustrations, the simplicity and confusion, the joy and heartbreaks. all of it.

i've actually been feeling a lot better the last couple weeks. i'm not really sure what happened, but i feel like one day maybe 2 weeks ago, something clicked. i just started to realize how much i've grown to love tanzania, the people there, the african way of life, despite all it's differences and confusion it brings to my life. i feel like the first month was just a lot of taking in everything. drinking in all the new sights and sounds, etc. the second month was just tough. that's when all the thinking/processing started and when i really started to feel the tensions of me being so western, yet living in a place so african. trying to figure out how to deal with that and balance things has been so difficult - and i'm not sure i've managed the most gracefully. i'm so thankful for my host family and all the people for just allowing me to go through that process. to retreat into my room and be anti-social, to have lunches with other wazungu to get some familiar community. to spend time emailing friends and family to try and keep important people in my life up to speed on my experience. But then, in the midst of all this, they still allow me to be a part of them. to engage in the services, to play with their kids, to pray with them. it's really quite amazing and i'm sad that it's taken me so long to be able to see that. i'm so glad though, that this last month can be one that is more balanced. that i will, of course, still struggle with much of the same stuff from the previous month, but i will be able to balance that with my love for and respect of the people in tanzania and their way of life. it's like you said, love is the most important. i do feel like much of my reaction to things going on and the differences between me and the tanzanians will be better from now on and i can honor god more in them because they will be grounded in the realization that i love them - and more importantly, so does God.

i think being in south africa has made me really appreciate my experience. I actually feel out of place in this city that is so developed and western. ha, how ironic. i keep thinking how sad it is that there's all these african people here, with none of their culture. it could be different in other areas of south africa, but certainly the african culture in cape town is confined to gift shops and township tours... So as much as i hoped south africa would be a time to re energize and refresh, it has really served more to show me how much i enjoy dodoma and tanzanians. how much the people and their culture have grown to occupy a large part of my heart. i guess you could call that 'refreshment' in a different kind of way.

Dan, i'm also so thankful to you and leisha and lahash. one, for allowing me - a total stranger- to be a part of what you do and your vision and heart. and two, (this is huge for me) for allowing me to go through this process, in the same way as the muhagachi's and people at iringa road. I know it must be discouraging to hear me write all these negative things on my blog, in emails, and through chats. but i'm so thankful to feel like you guys know that that's all part of the process and to feel like you have stood by me, despite my dwelling on the tough stuff. i hope you can know how thankful i am to you for that. And please know, that even through all the tough stuff, there was TONS of stuff that i was enjoying and loving. those just weren't the things that i ended up writing about to the public...but i've got it all in my journal.

and now, i'm feeling better than ever and ready to go back home and savor every last moment in Africa. i have no idea what my relationship with these people or lahash will be in he future, but i hope to continue serving them in some capacity.

So, thank you thank you thank you. god must be really pleased by all the work that you do and how you do it. talk to you soon.

Leah



***on an entirely different note, i tried to wire money from my host mom's account to my checking account in the states to be able to pay for the south africa trip more conveniently. it should've taken 2 days and it's been almost 2 weeks and no money. i have to talk to the bank when i get back but i'm quite nervous that all will be lost. it's a lot of money, and if i can't recover it i'll be absolutely broke. and probably in debt. so i'm really praying it gets sorted, and would appreciate your prayers as well, if you think about it! thanks :)