praise the lord

for Lahash International.

they're amazing and i'm so thankful to be here through them. Just got an email from Dan Holcomb, the head dude, and i was holding back tears while reading. It's pretty hard to be able to accurately express my experiences here, and what gets posted on my blog is a pretty slanted view. mostly, it's the tough stuff and none of the awesome stuff. but Dan and his crew understand pretty well what it's like and i'm so grateful to them. Here is my reply e-mail to Dan which will hopefully give you a better insight as to what life has been like for me the last couple months...

Dan,

thank you so much for the email. i'm very grateful that you would take so much time out of your busy life to just reflect about my experiences here, your experiences, and to give advice/encouragement. it means a lot to me. thank you.

i'm really glad that you are able to identify with some of my experience in tanzania so far. the ups and downs, the excitement and frustrations, the simplicity and confusion, the joy and heartbreaks. all of it.

i've actually been feeling a lot better the last couple weeks. i'm not really sure what happened, but i feel like one day maybe 2 weeks ago, something clicked. i just started to realize how much i've grown to love tanzania, the people there, the african way of life, despite all it's differences and confusion it brings to my life. i feel like the first month was just a lot of taking in everything. drinking in all the new sights and sounds, etc. the second month was just tough. that's when all the thinking/processing started and when i really started to feel the tensions of me being so western, yet living in a place so african. trying to figure out how to deal with that and balance things has been so difficult - and i'm not sure i've managed the most gracefully. i'm so thankful for my host family and all the people for just allowing me to go through that process. to retreat into my room and be anti-social, to have lunches with other wazungu to get some familiar community. to spend time emailing friends and family to try and keep important people in my life up to speed on my experience. But then, in the midst of all this, they still allow me to be a part of them. to engage in the services, to play with their kids, to pray with them. it's really quite amazing and i'm sad that it's taken me so long to be able to see that. i'm so glad though, that this last month can be one that is more balanced. that i will, of course, still struggle with much of the same stuff from the previous month, but i will be able to balance that with my love for and respect of the people in tanzania and their way of life. it's like you said, love is the most important. i do feel like much of my reaction to things going on and the differences between me and the tanzanians will be better from now on and i can honor god more in them because they will be grounded in the realization that i love them - and more importantly, so does God.

i think being in south africa has made me really appreciate my experience. I actually feel out of place in this city that is so developed and western. ha, how ironic. i keep thinking how sad it is that there's all these african people here, with none of their culture. it could be different in other areas of south africa, but certainly the african culture in cape town is confined to gift shops and township tours... So as much as i hoped south africa would be a time to re energize and refresh, it has really served more to show me how much i enjoy dodoma and tanzanians. how much the people and their culture have grown to occupy a large part of my heart. i guess you could call that 'refreshment' in a different kind of way.

Dan, i'm also so thankful to you and leisha and lahash. one, for allowing me - a total stranger- to be a part of what you do and your vision and heart. and two, (this is huge for me) for allowing me to go through this process, in the same way as the muhagachi's and people at iringa road. I know it must be discouraging to hear me write all these negative things on my blog, in emails, and through chats. but i'm so thankful to feel like you guys know that that's all part of the process and to feel like you have stood by me, despite my dwelling on the tough stuff. i hope you can know how thankful i am to you for that. And please know, that even through all the tough stuff, there was TONS of stuff that i was enjoying and loving. those just weren't the things that i ended up writing about to the public...but i've got it all in my journal.

and now, i'm feeling better than ever and ready to go back home and savor every last moment in Africa. i have no idea what my relationship with these people or lahash will be in he future, but i hope to continue serving them in some capacity.

So, thank you thank you thank you. god must be really pleased by all the work that you do and how you do it. talk to you soon.

Leah



***on an entirely different note, i tried to wire money from my host mom's account to my checking account in the states to be able to pay for the south africa trip more conveniently. it should've taken 2 days and it's been almost 2 weeks and no money. i have to talk to the bank when i get back but i'm quite nervous that all will be lost. it's a lot of money, and if i can't recover it i'll be absolutely broke. and probably in debt. so i'm really praying it gets sorted, and would appreciate your prayers as well, if you think about it! thanks :)

cape town

I've been having a good time so far, despite being by myself lol. Took a tour down the Cape Point which was awesome. The weather actually cleared up for most of the trip and it was breathtaking views the whole time. Drove down the point and saw ostriches, penguins, and baboons! Rode a bike for a bit down to the Cape of Good Hope and then a short hike up to a view point. Pretty gorgeous. Met 3 girls from Hawaii who are travelling all over and had a great time hanging out with them. Met up with them another day and walked around the waterfront and listened to live music at a little italian restaraunt. Been drinking lots of coffee and taking lots of walks around the city. Cape town feels very european and is kind of a weird experience since living in Dodoma for the past couple months. I've actually been missing tanzania and all things african. CT hardly feels african. and most of the africans i've met here are from other countries... The part of town my hostel is in feels a LOT like seattle or portland. full of coffee shops, hipsters, and retro boutiques. It's nice, but again, just weird to come from Tz to this. I'm sensing my transition to life back in Tacoma will be quite difficult also. There have been a couple hiccups during the trip involving my non-working ATM card (thus preventing me from getting cash at ALL. thank god i met those hawaii girls who have lent me some cash...) and also some obnoxious, drunk, british rugby fans (i had to switch out of my dorm room because one of them just wouldn't leave me alone...). But i'm trying to keep stress levels low and just go with the flow. Going back to Dar on tuesday and i'm excited for the heat, actually. it's too cold here!

just an observation

Since my arrival in Africa, I have been experiencing life in some totally new and different ways. I really feel like before I came here, I had no concept of how different my thoughts and views and ways of doing life could be from my neighbours just across the globe. But that’s a lot of what brought me to Tanzania, wanting to know those things and see those differences. And they are many. I could spend all day talking about how different everything is here…from hugging, to showering, to family, to working and worshipping. But, at the moment, I only want to talk about one aspect of Africans that I’ve found different – one that I have really loved so far. It’s something I feel we don’t have in America or the West and I can’t be certain why it’s different or what makes a people react one way and another people a different way…

It’s in the singing. I feel like so much of the spirit of Africa is expressed through song. From what I’ve seen of these people, they have an unbelievable ability to endure. It seems like each person’s life story is riddled with struggle, hardship, and suffering. Even in the short amount of time I’ve been here, many of the staff at the church have had close family members or friends die. Many of the kids here are orphans and definitely don’t eat three times a day. The women in the programs at the church, in particular, endure amazing hardships. Most are HIV+ and are extremely poor, have no income, husbands are not around or are abusive, and the list goes on… Despite all these things, they sing. They clap, and dance, and cheer, and smile, and sing. It’s like they have this spirit that refuses to be broken, one which perseveres against all odds. I’m not saying they don’t ever lose hope or get depressed, but their tolerance for such trials and difficulties seems to far outweigh that of the Wests. I can’t help but be reminded of The Who’s in Dr. Seuss’ “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”. It was my favourite Christmas story growing up, and I still love it. At the end of the book, after the Who’s Christmas has been devastated and ruined by the Grinch, they gather in the town square, hold hands, and start singing. Their joy is not marred by their misfortune, it only served to remind them of what is most important; each other.

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! "Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all!

Dr. Seuss seems like a pretty smart dude...of course, this analogy begs the question, "who is the grinch?" hmm not sure...although my heart may have grown a size or two since i came to africa...

Why haven't i been blogging?

uhh i just don't really feel like it. Plus other reasons...which are

1.) as much as i envisioned blogging to be the way to communicate to most friends/family while in Africa, i still write emails and letters to people who i feel would like to receive them. I'm usually saying the same thing in most of them so it just gets tedious to write over and over again. By the time it comes to the blog, i'm usually burnt out of repeating myself. So, i'm sorry for those of you who haven't gotten emails or letters and aren't left with much as to my experience thus far. i'll try harder to blog!

2.) I feel like alot of the stuff i have to say is more on the negative side. Not because there are no good thigns going on or there aren't things that i really like and enjoy about africa, but the stuff that comes to mind is usually how difficult it is for me to be in a completely different culture. It's really been quite a challenge and i hate sounding like i'm complaining all the time. I don't wanna be a whiner. And i guess it isn't really whining, and there are legitimate issues arising because of the clash of cultures going on, but i just don't want to sound so negative all the time. Maybe i should get over that because that's just what's going on and i'm sure you people want to hear about it regardless, so i guess i'll work on that as well.

3.) My third reason is that i feel like some of my experience here is just too hard to articulate. There's so much goign on in my head all the time and i'm always trying to figure stuff out and analyze differences and and critique things and answer some of my questions. It's just alot. And hard to put into words. Alot of that stuff is concerning my reaction to poverty...and also cultural differences. It's so much to take in and is all so new that it's overwhelming to try and explain. And it's not even like i've never thought about poverty before, or collectivist cultures, or africa, or whatever - but i feel as if everything i've ever known or believed about the world and culture and living, is being challenged here. Thankfully, my ideas and belief in God haven't really been affected...i feel like the last 3 years of my life i've been in the process of reconstructing and shaping my faith and i'm glad not to be going through that whole process again at the moment. But as far as God's expectations of us, as believers, and how he desires us to live in the world - those with money and without, has been a huge question i'm grappling with.

I'll say this. Before i came to africa, the issue of poverty seemed simpler and easy. It was easy for me to just explain that to combat poverty we just need the rich to come into real contact and relationship with the poor and then to redistribute the wealth that those rich people have, and everything would be okay (shane claiborne). And i don't think that idea is false or anything, but since i've been here, i realize that the problem of poverty is so complex! it's so multi-faceted and has all these dimensions that are bigger than my understanding. It was quite frustrating when i first arrived because i feel like i came to africa looking for answers...and all i've gotten are more questions. but that figures, eh? it's just like life...not to be what we expect. Even though it is a struggle to always ask questions and feel like i never get any closer to answers, i am pretty confident that i'm more knowledgeable and aware of how life really is now, than before i came here. Even though it feels as if i've regressed, i know there is progress in all these experiences and that i am growing and learning through it all. My fear is that i'll return home and push all these thigns to the side. I'll be so glad to be back in my country, culture, and comfort zone that i will forget what i've seen, and how important these questions and conversations are. As of now, i don't think that will happen and i have a feeling that I'll just feel more confused after i get home, but i know i can rely on you (friends and family) to keep me thinking and asking and conversing about all these things.

On a totally different note: I spent a weekend in Dar es Salaam, the capital city, and had a great time. Stayed in a banda (grass hut) about 100 yards from the Indian Ocean on Kipepeo Beach. it was an awesome time. very relaxing and so fun to swim in the ocean, lay on the beach, sleep in a hut. Had the best indian food i've ever had in the city and didn't get mugged. i'd call it a success!

Going to Capetown in exactly 8 days. praise the lord! i can't wait...i definitely am welcoming a week away from dodoma and all things tanzanian lol. Staying at a hostel that is supposed to be one of the best and planning on being a tourist through and through. Robben island, table mountain, and wine-tasting...here i come! And i'm planning on drinking coffee every day all day. until i want to puke. (Side note: I did get some Stumptown coffee sent over courtesy of Levi. I almost peed my pants and am still waiting to grind it up and drink. i think today is the big day! thansk again levi!)

Have a friend named Brandon (from Viginia) who's been in Dodoma for the past 8 months. His dad came over and they are travelling around for the month (climbing Kili starting today! so jealous!). They are planning on 3 days of safari in the Serengeti (which is in tanzania) and i think Josh and I will try and meet up with them! I'm really praying this happens because i've been told not to leave tanzania without going to the serengeti and i'm pretty sure it will be AMAZING. pretty pricey, but it's totally worth it. I just need to convince my host family to let me go...

That's it for now. Again, sorry it's long - but i'ts been a while. Hope you are all doing lovely and can't wait to see your faces in august!