on a different note

than the previous post...

i've had a really great weekend! I think after this last week (which is when I wrote the previous post) I needed a little bit of time away. Conveniently, there is a group of 3 New Zealanders who arrived in Dodoma this week and I've been getting to spend quite a bit of time with them, as well as some other mzungu's in town. It's been a nice little break to be able to have dinner with them and to get to process some of what I've been experiencing here with them. They're only spending a few days in Dodoma so they're off to Arusha tomorrow... but I'm already planning when I can take a trip to New Zealand for a visit. They've been a ton of fun to hang out with and I'm really thankful for their company. As well as some of the other people in town. One missionary family live on a compound about 15 mins. outside of town and i got to hang out there all day yesterday. It was glorious. Did some reading on their green grass, climbed on the big rocks around their house, watched their kids play football, ate home-made chocolate chip cookies(!!), etc. It was a much needed, relaxing day. Where they live actually reminded me of eastern Washington a lot. Made me wish I was hanging out on Lake Chelan with Rachael's family! :) Anyways, so i am quite thankful for the new friendships i'm finding here in tanzania...hopefully people I will get to see again!

my constant prayer

these days is for patience. and understanding. Both of which seem so difficult for me to attain, yet so necessary for me to be content on this foreign continent.

Now that I have been in Tanzania for a month, some of the things that at once seemed novel and surprising and exciting are now becoming frustrating or annoying. Most of these things are just minor inconveniences that don't really bother me outside my moment of irritation. Things like the outlet in my room that never seems to charge my phone when i want it to, the luke-warm showers, the mosquito bites, the abundance of dry white bread, rice and beans, the absence of lettuce, lunch meat, and coffee, etc etc etc. I think i have enough patience within me to handle those things.

My prayers are for bigger things, such as the lack of freedom involved in staying with a host family. I opperate mainly on other people's schedules and rules which is not something i'm used to doing. Also, the lack of space to myself. Thankfully, I have my own room so that helps..but i live in a tiny house with 8 other people so there is never really any time alone. I am seeing how much i need that time to think, process, and recharge...to better function in this place.

I need patience for the teaching at the church. It seems like I am sitting in a service, preaching, teaching, or devotional every day if not more than once a day (and that alone requires immense patience for me to be present because i don't like sitting in church all day) and either the teaching is usually along the lines of a prosperity gospel, OR i am just confused as to what we are talking about. Often the verses don't seem to go together and the ideas articulated never seem to connect very well. I am somebody who highly values organization and research when teaching so it's hard for me to gloss over these things.

As I said earlier, it's getting difficult for me to sit through all the meetings and services. I'm pretty sure it's all part of the african way of life...taking the time to sit and talk about everything, or sing and dance. But it's just feels like too much for me sometimes. It's as if we almost spend more time sitting in meetings and services, than actually doing work. I can't change the fact that I've grown up in a culture where efficiency is a way of life. And i even think i'm on the "less-efficient" end of the spectrum, compared to most people i know... but being here makes me realize how much I, too, am a direct product of American culture. I realize how much time is a valuable thing to us from the West. How I even feel personally offended, when i feel like my time is being wasted. Respecting someone else's time is a way respecting them. Not so in Africa. All the Tanzanians seem perfectly fine with sitting through 4 hour long meetings or church services. lol, boy it's tough for me. I'm getting more used to it though, but I think that's only because i expect it now.

The last thing i'll mention that I need patience for is issues with money. I feel a little better about things this week, but last week i was a bit upset. The assumption here is that white = money. And i'm not saying that is a false assumption, and I don't mind that that assumption is made - if left at that. But it's never left at that. I feel as if I am asked for money constantly. It comes in different forms: the street kids with no shoes, the leprous grandfather sitting by the bush, the sunday service offering, the wed service offering, the fellowship group offering, the woman's business group offering, donations to the bishop's ordination, and basically anyone selling anything anywhere. I feel a little bit assaulted at times. And taken advantaged of. I am able to say no unless i really feel like I want to, but saying no gets tiring and wears me out. It's hard also, when i feel like half of the time it's the church hitting me up for money. And i never really feel like i can give in private. It seems to be everyone's business. I actually had a church member count the folded bills I gave him and tell the woman next to me how much I gave him. haha, that would SO never happen in America. I guess that's another way we respect people, privacy when it comes to money stuff.

I hate that this post is so long and sounds like I'm just complaining. I'm really trying to be conscious of that and to not put things or the people here in a negative light. I understand that the reasons these things are so hard for me is because of cultural differences and not some inherent flaw in africans or their way of life. And as a disclaimer, while I am finding many things difficult to deal with - it certainly does not outweigh the things I love and enjoy about these people and their culture. But i know that you, my friends and family want to know what's going on with me...and this is what I got. So thanks for listening to all this and thanks for all the prayers!

last week, i attended the wednesday night service. it was my first wed service so im not sure what they are usually like, but i think this one was a little special. it was a service marking the end of 3 days of fasting that the church was doing (only morning to evening fasting, so they ate dinner). i only fasted the last day - it wasn't even clear to me why the church was fasting, but i had some personal reasons so i thought i could go with it. anyways, wed night was my first time being present during a really charismatic worship time. i'm still not sure what to think about all of it. basically, we had the usual singing and dancing worshipt time. then there was a sermon, which was longer than usual, and all i got out of it was that he was talking about being filled with the holy spirit for about an hour. next thing i know, we are clearing the plastic lawn chairs out of the way cuz things were about to get crazy. there was lots of prayer, very repetitive. and then there was just lots of shouting, wailing, falling on the floor, laughing uncontrallably, laying hands on people, praying 'in the name of Yesu Christo', etc. i wasn't really expecting all of that. i decided to leave about 2 hours into the whole shebang. i figured it was a good time for me to learn how to get home by myself on the dala dala (bus). i made it, successfully - but have felt really confused about the whole experience so far. i definitely know that there are alot of christians who worship in that way, but i've never actually been in the midst of it happening. i don't reallyknow much about it at all except for the one week at capernwray where we studied the person and work of the holy spirit. and i distinctly remember hearing that god never desires for us to be out of control of our own bodies (and also self control is one of the gifts of the spirit, and the people in that room definitely looked a little out of control). anyways, i'm not trying to say that it is bad or wrong or anything. i just am trying to understand. i can't figure out what the purpose of all of that stuff is. what is accomplished by all that hubub? maybe i am asking the wrong questions and it doesn't really matter what gets accomplished. i guess then, is it really pleasing to god? or maybe mainly, is it genuine? is it real? do they make it up? convince themselves? or is it really the power of the holy spirit? hmmm...lots of things to ponder, and no access to any good books to educate myself. again as usual. i would love any input on the topic. gosh, africa is making me do some hard work with all these new experiences. but i'm glad. it's good.

i don't have much time

six minutes, to be exact, is left of my internet time. there is so much to say about my experiences so far. but again, i will have to postpone. i'm thinking for now, i'll just write a quick list.

things i love about tanzania:

-the wild flowers, they are so colorful and gorgeous!
-the clothes the women wear, again, so colorful and bright
-taking the time to sincerely greet the people around you
-how far the amerian dollar goes
-how nice everyone is to me and how much the kids automatically love me
-playing squash with the other white people in town
-home visits to sick people

that's not much so far, i'm sure i'll add tons to this list as time goes on and i get to do more stuff and see more things.

things i miss about home

-coffee, coffee, coffee
-salads and sandwiches
-trash cans
-the rain (grass is always greener on the other side, eh?)
-readily available soap after using the toilet
-the freedom to expose my legs in public a.k.a. NOT wearing longs skirts every day. laaame.
-mountain ranges
-large bodies of water
-reliable electricity/water/internet

and it goes without saying that imiss all of you - my friends and family.

yes!!

i have found the other white people living in dodoma!! it sounds silly to be excited about that, but i am. Josh, the other american (and only other mzungu who works at the church) finally returned from a conference. he's been living here for a year and has made friendships with all the other white people (the young ones, at least) in Dodoma. Just spending a few hours with him has profited greatly for me, socially speaking. so far, i've met two new zealanders, a brit, and another american. all guys, but i hear there are a couple girls around. Part of me feels like it's running away or somethign to spend lots of my free time with the other mzungu's in town. but i think it's okay, and actually probably very necessary for my sanity. plus, i don't feel too bad because i live with a tanzanian family and all the other mzungu's live on their own or together. which, if i was to be here longer than 3 months, i would definitely get in on. they have the luxury of having sit-down toilets and real showers with tubs! and they have ovens!! i'm so jealous. but, mostly, thankful to have met them. it's nice to be able to chat about flight of the conchords and atonement :) Josh has a stash of coffee that i'm hoping he will hook me up with. the only coffee here is instant and you can't buy the real stuff anywhere. nor the means to make it, so i'll have to borrow something maybe - or just boil it all on the stove and strain it...i don't care how it's made, i just would killll for a cup of coffee. there is lots more to say about things i've been experiencing but ill write more later.

just blowing a little steam..

today at church i was having a hard time. it was the sermon. maybe i'm missing some things in the translation, but i think the message was acutally pretty clear. the pastor said that to prosper, we need to pray hard and work hard. and basically, people who don't prosper - it's because they don't pray hard or know jesus personally, or also because they don't work hard. if you work hard and love jesus he will bless you with prosperity. to me, that's a load of bull. i mean, maybe he knows that his congregation needs to be encouraged to work and pray, but i feel like that is the kind of theology that screws you up. because if you don't prosper, it's your own fault and you should've prayed more or worked harder. he even went so far as to use the example of bill gates becoming so rich. he said that he started with nothing, and through hard work, he made great wealth. aah, it makes me so mad. is that what these people really need to hear? these people who have nothing. who can't pay for their kids to eat more than once a day. who can't pay for their kids to go to school. who are sick and dying from preventable and treatable diseases. that they didn't work hard enough? or they could've prayed harder? then god would have blessed them with 'prosperity'. i just don't believe it. it makes me mad. again, there could be a whole cultural issue that i'm missing and don't get. but i dunno. maybe in three months i will have a different opinion. maybe those of you who have spent time in africa can enlighten me :)